Volume 4, No. 1 November 7, 2003
Confessions of a ‘Scary’ mind A Review By Beth E. Concepción Forgive me, Movie God, for I have sinned. It has been two minutes since my last confession (regarding the fact that I have not yet seen “The Big Lebowski” or “The House of Yes”). My latest sin is taking the easy route in movie-going. Instead of seeing relatively intellectual fare such as “In the Cut” or “Veronica Guerin” for this week’s review, I chose the less brain-intensive “Scary Movie 3.” Yes, I know it is the equivalent of choosing the artery-jamming cheeseburger with chili fries over celery with fat-free ranch dressing, but I couldn’t help it. The trailers made me do it. How could I resist Charlie Sheen’s slapstick comedy? Pamela Anderson joking about a certain video? Queen Latifah doing her version of the Oracle from “The Matrix?” No mortal could resist the “Scary Movie” brand of send-up that skewers everything from “The Others” to Michael Jackson. Right? So what if the Wayans clan started the franchise and — two sequels later — there’s nary a Wayans in sight? (This one is directed by David Zucker with a screenplay by a passel of writers — nine to be exact.) Maybe it suffers from that Wayans lack, but I was too blinded by amazement at how the plot lines of “The Ring,” “Signs” and “8 Mile” could be woven together to notice. Of course, Movie God, I know that this movie’s plot was stretched painfully thin to accommodate all those movies, but I laughed. Yes, Movie God, I laughed. Each cameo was a thing of beauty: George Carlin as the architect à la “The Matrix,” Macy Gray as a thug, Darrell Hammond as a lecherous priest, Leslie Nielsen as a George W. Bush-like president, Simon Cowell as himself. How could I not indulge? True, “Airplane” did all of this first and better (as did the original “Scary Movie,” for that matter). Maybe it is time to retire the franchise. But still, it is hard to feel the proper amount of shame. However, as an act of contrition, I’ll punish myself with repeat viewings of “The English Patient” or anything starring Kevin Costner. Amen.
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